Hope in Despair
by HeadWig
Summary: Remus returns to Grimmauld Place injured and weak after being held captive by Greyback and his pack during his work for the Order of the Phoenix. A one Nymphadora Tonks helps a struggling Remus to find hope again, and the two begin to fall for one another
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Remus was sure he was dreaming.

Strangely, his body didn't feel the same way. Every limb ached as it had for the last few weeks, his eyelids dragging down as though pulled by a weight. This was a problem as he could only see fuzzy outlines of three red heads and a shock of bubble gum pink hair that must have belonged to Nymphadora if it really was the waking world. There were voices too, whispering, anxious voices. Then urgent shouting. He tried to say something to her, but it seemed too much an effort, and he swallowed and cringed at the pain in his throat before losing all thought.

_He was back in the camp, in his cell. The pit's walls rose dark above him, leaving only a strip of stars to look at in his despair. He could hear the cries of the other werewolves; they sounded close. He felt so cold… they had taken his clothes, everything, leaving him bare to transform without the wolfsbane and run like a maniac… his worst fear… he would never be able to leave, they were going to keep him prisoner forever... As he looked up at the sky a shadow appeared at the side of his prison. Greyback, flanked by two of his cronies, picking his teeth with a long yellowed fingernail, his eyes alight with the flame of madness…_

"Shh… It's all right. You're safe now." The voice was reminiscent of safety and comfort. He remembered it and thought of bright colors and warmth… He took a deep breath before dropping again into sleep.

"Dumbledore said the other werewolves were angry. It's hard to tell if Greyback has given up or if he's just planning for his next attack."

"Lets only hope they don't come after Remus again."

A sigh. "Lets only hope."

Silence.

There was a creak of furniture, and a sound like someone walking across a floor. Heavier footsteps, and then a voice that he recognized, "I'm going downstairs."

"Wotcher, Sirius."

A door clicked softly closed.

Remus could hear the goings on in the room with surprising clarity. The normalcy of it all was almost enough to throw him off.

He wondered how in the world they had gotten him away from Greyback. His entire pack must have been there... Despite Remus' curiosity, he didn't feel up for the story yet, or for the guilt that would come with it if anyone had been injured in the process of his rescue. From the "wotcher" he supposed that Tonks was in the room with him, and wasn't sure if he wanted to open his eyes. It would mean talking to people, and he didn't want to talk just yet. Even to Tonks.

He felt like he had been ill. All his bones ached, and he had a throbbing headache that pulsed with every heartbeat. He licked his lips and opened his eyes to the welcoming sight of Nymphadora gazing at him with relief in her eyes and a grin on her lips.

"Wotcher, Remus! It's certainly nice to see you back. "

He thought her grin seemed to be shining out of her voice. The ghost of a smile lit his mouth, but she saw that his eyes were tired. However, there was something in them besides that. They looked almost… haunted, lost.

"How are you feeling?"

"It depends, I suppose. How _should _I be feeling?" he asked, his voice rusty from disuse. Tonks handed him a glass of water that he cradled carefully before taking a small sip, not wanting his strangely weak body to drop anything.

"Well, you had a fever that broke yesterday, and Poppy reckons that your body has just been sleeping since to make up for all the stress and exhaustion from when Greyback had you." Tonks looked at him concernedly while she said this, perturbed by his waking reaction.

Remus closed his eyes, feeling a throb begin in his head at the mention of captivity. "Ah yes, that."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Remus lost in thought and Tonks studying him carefully under lowered lids. She was sure he was troubled, she could see it—in his eyes, voice, everything. There was nothing of the usual Remus there either. After transformations and sticky situations he was always a good sport and pulled through whatever the problem was. This time seemed… different. She didn't know what had happened to him, but she assumed having been kidnapped alone would put someone in a right state.

But Remus had been going through it all for years. She remembered he fought during the first war, and then now with all the dangerous things he had been asked to do… it was part of the job for members of the Order to take risks—capture being one of them. Why then was this so affecting him?

_We'll work through it together,_ she resolved. _Remus is my friend and I owe it to him to help somehow. _It was a couple of seconds before she decided that maybe the little things should come first, like food and rest. It was important that his body recuperate as well as his mind. Tonks smiled at her forgetfulness.

"Remus?" the question was put gently. He opened his eyes. "Would you like anything to eat?" She was still looking at him concernedly.

"No, Nymphadora, I'm afraid I'm not quite up for food just yet. Thank you." He closed his eyes again. Tonks sighed.

"All right then, I'm just going out for a bit and I'll be back a little later. Molly or Sirius will be back up in a jiffy." Remus nodded weakly, and Tonks walked to the door and closed it softly, not wanting to disturb his rest any more than she already had.

As she was on her way downstairs she ran into Sirius (literally) and sent him sprawling against the wall, hitting his head against a frame before righting himself with Tonk's help, amid profuse apologies and mild oaths. Tonks thought it was best to change the subject. "He's awake." She told her cousin, grinning.

Sirius looked overjoyed, a huge grin splitting his face."He is? What a relief. How is he?"

"Tired. A bit weak. He seems… preoccupied by what happened." Tonks described, "I hope there's no lasting damage."

"He's been through worse, I reckon." Sirius replied, his face clouded, remembering the first war. His eyes grew dark as he recalled the black walls of Azkaban and his own imprisonment. "He's always one to look on the bright side, Moony. Unless you give him too much Firewhisky." He grinned, his eyes suddenly lighting up, giving a glimpse of the man he had once been, "The stories I could tell you about that…"

Tonks winked at him mischievously, "Yours for mine." She said. "Kingsley's got a reputation for getting a bit tipsy at the Auror Christmas parties…" Sirius barked a laugh. Tonks turned to go. "Look, I need to head out, guard duty and all… Look after Remus, will you? He seems a bit peached about something."

Sirius nodded his acquiescence. "I'm sure he'll be all right in no time."

Tonks turned down the stairs, thinking to herself. _I hope so._


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Tonks slowly crept through the entrance of Grimmauld Place two days later, sidling past the door and being careful not to disturb the gently snoring portrait of Walburga Black, who looked almost as fierce asleep as she did screaming at the inhabitants of the house. It had been a busy couple of days what with guarding that bloody door and trying not to fall flat on her face during Auror duty. It was beginning to become a problem.

Failing to notice, once again, the troll's leg umbrella stand near the door, Tonks tiptoed into the entranceway only to topple head over heels into the stand and land flat on her stomach. This woke up Mrs. Black, who spotted her and began to disclaim her niece's bloodline and proclaim her disinherited.

"FILTHY MUDBLOODS! YOU DEFILE THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS WITH YOUR VERMIN! MY SISTER WAS A WIT TO MARRY THAT DUNCE OF A MAN—"

"SHUT UP!" Sirius had come downstairs, his eyes ablaze with anger at hearing his favorite cousin insulted. He struggled to begin closing the curtains on the portrait.

"Remus is upstairs," He told Tonks loudly over his mother's shrieks, trying to force the hangings closed. "It's been a bit gloomy here with only Molly and Poppy for company, really. I expect he'd be happy to see you. He wasn't awake when I checked on him, but he'll likely be after all this racket—" Sirius was cut off by another of Mrs. Black's tirades.

"WEREWOLVES! HOW DARE YOU LET THEM IN HERE! KREACHER, IS THIS HOW YOU REPAY THE MISTRESS THAT HAS KEPT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD ALL THESE YEARS—" Sirius doubled his efforts on the hangings with an angry snarl and Tonks hurried upstairs, anxious to escape her deceased aunt's threats.

After tripping over the last three stairs, Tonks made it to the third floor landing, and set out to remember which room Remus was in. After a couple of false doors, she quietly nudged open the entrance at the end of the hall to see the pale face of her friend still asleep in bed.

But as she drew closer, she saw that he was sweating, tossing and turning, eyes squeezed shut tight as if he was in pain. Classic symptoms of a nightmare.

Alarmed, Tonks shook his shoulder. "Remus… _Remus_."

He awoke with a gasp, eyes wide with fright and breathing hard. "I—they were—there was—I tried to—" Tonks helped him gently to lay down again, concerned.

"It's all right. You're safe. Everything is going to be fine." She said soothingly, handing him a glass of water on the nightstand, which he drank in large gulps before sinking back onto the pillows and closing his eyes. Tonks perched on the edge of his bed, her chin resting on the heel of her palm.

"I am sorry if I frightened you. Bad dream." He said, looking like he was still trying to calm himself down.

"What about? I have bad dreams all the time, but they usually involve myself showing up for the Auror exams in my knickers." That brought a slight smile to his face.

"I have had dreams similar to that. This one… I'd rather not talk about." Remus responded with a slight grimace, opening his eyes and looking at the far wall, lost in thought.

Tonks considered this, drawing patterns on the bedcover with her finger. "I'm always around, if you ever, you know, want to talk or anything." She looked at Remus as she said this, her face now serious. The yelling from downstairs had stopped, and there was silence as Remus studied her momentarily, his lined face and haunted eyes searching hers with a lost look that made her want to embrace him and make him smile again.

"Thank you, Nymphadora." He said. And she knew he meant it.

...

Remus lay staring at the ceiling of his room. Nymphadora had gone, and the house was quiet except for the occasional muffled yell for Kreacher from his master.

Nymphadora… There was something to think about. Why did she keep coming over here? To visit an incapacitated werewolf with no friends who would hardly speak to her? He cursed himself for his manners. He had made no attempt at conversation and was frankly embarrassed that she had found him in a bit of a right state. The dream…

_Two other wolves held him as he knelt, resigned, on the ground, his head grabbed by the hair and forced to watch the gruesome scene in front of him. _

_Greyback and one of his friends it seemed, were circling two small children they had captured in a raid to a village. He had heard from the guards talking that both the children had screamed for their mothers and tried to escape. One of them was so worn out from the struggle that he merely sat, glaring at his captors, holding the hand of the other small boy. _

_Greyback grinned a sickly sweet smile at his friend, and the two leapt at the children, and Remus shut his eyes, unwilling to see but unable to block the screams that filled the air… _

A loud bang from Sirius' room forced Remus out of his reverie. He shook his head, trying to clear of it of the images he least wanted to see. The rememberings of his captivity. He sighed. This would not do. The memories would tear him apart. Perhaps he should take Nymphadora up on her offer the next time he got the chance. The next time… He would be polite. Maybe even make conversation. Come out of his shell? With her urging, perhaps.

He remembered her eyes… a warm comforting brown. They wouldn't judge him. They wanted to help. And he needed it.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Hello all! Thank you for reading! It's been a while and this one is a bit slow-- but the next chapter is where it picks up. Please read and review!

CHAPTER THREE

The next Saturday morning Sirius opened the door to a grinning Tonks, hair windswept and cheeks pink with cold, but in a cheery mood and bearing breakfast for all.

"Good morning! I thought I would bring some cheer to old Grimmauld! It's almost the holidays, you know. Thought you all could use some warming up." She grinned cheekily at Sirius, who was about to suggest that it was only October and that the Christmas season did not logically begin until the end of the month, but Tonks trotted in and in a great feat avoided the trolls leg umbrella stand while carrying a basket of muffins, her jacket, and an umbrella. Sirius only shook his head and followed her.

Tonk's entrance to the basement kitchen had Remus momentarily speechless. Here he was, sitting at the table reading the paper, minding his own business, when he looked up and there she stood. Bright eyed and absolutely gorgeous, violet hair and all. She smiled cheerily at him as she unwound the scarf from her neck and cast her coat on a vacant chair, putting the muffins down on the table next to him. "All right, Remus?" She asked, beginning to gather plates from the cupboard.

"Er," He said, still staring aimlessly into the air, then shook himself awake again. He was not, he hoped, a completely bumbling idiot. "I'll take those for you." He began to take the plates she handed him, hoping her clumsy streak would not choose this moment to manifest itself. Sirius' mother was probably rolling over in her grave with the amount of dishes they had broken since moving in.

"How are you feeling?" Tonks asked when they sat down. She passed him a muffin, and he took it with a word of thanks.

"Poppy says he's getting better. Says maybe he can leave the house. How about that Moony, going outside all by your wolfy self?" Sirius had joined them, taking a muffin and biting into it hungrily as he leaned back in his chair, propping his stockinged feet on the table.

"I'm not sure it would be the best idea to leave at the moment. No doubt Poppy wasn't thinking when she made the comment." Remus responded, turning a page of the Daily Prophet, "Greyback is most likely still anxious to get revenge on the Order for rescuing me."

"Nah, he's too busy biting children for his meals." Sirius said darkly. There was a loud thump from the upstairs, and a strangled cry, and with a muttered curse Sirius left the kitchen to tend to Buckbeak the hippogriff.

Remus and Tonks sat in silence for a few moments. "It's horrible, what he does." Tonks said, referring to Greyback. Remus nodded in silence, his eyes fixed on the floor. The Order meeting the night before had confirmed that the werewolf was once again kidnapping children. As hostages for Voldemort, he said, but Remus knew what he was capable of.

_The blood. There was so much and it smelled rank to him. The blood of the two boys was seeping into his cell. A werewolf kicked him, pointed. The bones. Get out, bury them. He dug, and stopped for a moment, then was kicked again. He shoved the bones under the dark earth, willing the task to be done so he could go back to his cell and they would leave him alone. But the blood, there was so much and it was seeping into his cell… _

"Remus," Tonks was crouched in front of him, her face lined with concern. The newspaper was on the ground. "Your horribly pale… Are you all right?" She searched for his eyes and found them for a moment before Remus shook himself back to the present.

"I'm fine." He said, looking away and smiling thinly. He looked at her face again for a moment, then looked away again. "Fine."

"If you're sure." She said, unconvinced, and went back to her muffin. "Tea?" She asked, picking up the pot which had begun to whistle. Remus nodded after glancing at her momentarily, then back at the floor. His face was still quite pale and he was frowning slightly. Tonks handed him a cup and saucer and he took it with both hands, trying his best to hide their shaking. But she was no fool.

"Sirius… have you noticed anything, well—strange about Remus lately?" Tonks asked her cousin. They had been sitting together, finishing off the last few muffins as Remus had gone upstairs, complaining of a headache. The only sounds were their companionable chewing and few attempts at conversation. The occasional whistle of wind outside permeated the otherwise silent basement kitchen.

Sirius nodded in answer to her question. "There are times when he's nearly the old Remus, quiet and wise and clever. But otherwise he broods, which he's never been prone to." There was a few minutes silence in which Sirius did just that, his eyes hard and dark. He tipped his head back and downed the last of the firewhiskey he had been drinking and got up out of his chair, nodding to Tonks. He paused at the doorway and added, "You can't blame him, having been locked up so long."

Tonks drummed her fingertips on the tabletop, scowling. So much for trying to cheer everyone up. She sat in her own silence before she heard the front door open and close, and footsteps descend the stairs to the kitchen.

"Professor Dumbledore!" She said in surprise, jumping up out of her seat and subsequently knocking over her chair.

"Hello Nymphadora," the old man replied, taking off his heavy coat and laying it over the back of an empty chair as Nymphadora bent to pick hers up embarrassedly. Dumbledore's face looked lined and tired, the usual twinkle in his eyes gone as he looked at her sadly.

"Has anything happened, sir? Is there any news?" She asked anxiously. Dumbledore sighed and motioned for her to sit.

"Nothing grave, my dear, but bad news nonetheless. Is Sirius about? I would like for him to hear this as well." The man in question came swiftly down the stairs as he said it, entering the kitchen to see who had come to the door. He looked in blank surprise at the headmaster, who motioned for him to sit as well, but he shook his head and leaned against the sink, arms crossed and eyes steely. Dumbledore apprised the two of them over his half moon spectacles.

"The night before last six children went missing from Hogsmeade village. Their parents, of course, were frantic, and local authorities conducted a search, assuming they had run away from home or were merely lost. Last night," Dumbledore sighed, looking at the floor and then back at the cousins, "Last night four bodies were found in a ravine near the mountains. Each was a child seemingly killed by a wolf; a ransom note from Greyback was pinned to their clothing, requesting that he keep the two remaining children who are, presumably, alive."

"Son of a bitch." Sirius muttered, beginning to clear the kitchen table violently, his hands shaking with rage. Tonks gulped, tracing circles on the table with her fingertips.

"Has anything been done to recover the two children?" Sirius asked, banging a pot against the sink with surprising vigor. He began to talk with the Headmaster as Tonks looked at the door to the basement kitchen only to see Remus start up the steps, having overheard Dumbledore's announcement, his eyes not seeing and face struggling to keep its blank mask.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Tonks quickly excused herself from the kitchen, leaving Sirius and Dumbledore to talk in hushed and anxious tones. From the noise from the door another Order member had entered the house, and Tonks crept swiftly up the stairs in search of Remus.

Arriving at the second floor landing she walked softly to the door to his room, stopping and listening before she knocked and turned the doorknob. Remus was sitting in a chair next to the bed with his head in his hands. He looked up in surprise as she opened the door. There was a broken glass next to him; one of his shoes made it crunch as he stood up, and keeping a hand on the back of the chair he stood, half-facing her.

Tonks leaned against the half-opened door, reluctant but determined to barge in on him. "I saw you leave the kitchen. You… overheard what Dumbledore said, then?"

Remus nodded, looking at the floor. He glanced up at her absentmindedly, and nodded again. "Yes, I did."

"Remus…" Tonks trailed off, and he looked up at her. "We're all… slightly concerned… about you." She finished lamely, but he held her gaze for a few moments, then switched his weight to his other leg, looking down at the floor and then back up at her.

"Nymphadora." He sighed. "I don't mean to be rude, but this is not the best time."

"Not the best time?" Her tone was slightly angry now. "Something just happened downstairs that had obviously upset you. I come up here to help and all you can tell me is that its _not the best time_?" Tonks let go of the door and stood with one hand on her hip, lips in a thin line and eyes narrowed.

"No, Nymphadora, it is not the best time." He said, his tone clipped. He looked at the wall across the room. "I would rather appreciate it if I could be left alone."

Tonks glared at him. Her hair was taking on a shade of red. "Left alone?"

"Yes, left alone." He wasn't looking at her. "Please."

There were a few tense moments of silence, both of them determinedly not looking at the other.

"This is ridiculous," Tonks shook her head, looking at Remus. "I don't want to make you talk, but you can't mope forever." The red hair faded to a bright magenta.

"_Moping?_" Now Remus was angry. "You've assumed I've merely been moping, all this time? Tonks, do you have any idea—" He began to pace across the room, his face cloudy. "There are things I don't even want to think about that—that I can't get out of my head. Things I saw, things I did. That I don't want to remember." He sighed and stopped in front of her, his shoulders drooped. "Knowing that what I went through is happening to other people is enough to drive me mad. And then, downstairs—" His voice broke. He cleared his throat. "It's haunting to think he's killed more of them, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it." Remus turned his face away from her, looking at the floor.

Tonks strode forward. Remus put a hand out to stop her, still looking at the floor, but she grabbed his hand, gently cupping his cheek and forcing him to look her full in the face. "No more nightmares." She said, holding his eyes with hers; and then she kissed him.

That soft touch, so welcome but so unexpected caught Remus by surprise. Something of a whimper tumbled off his lips as he gave himself up to the kiss, the intimacy and gentleness of it all offering more comfort than he could register, at first. A tear slipped out from beneath one eyelid—the rest threatened to overflow. Tonks pulled away and brushed a tear from his cheek. She stood on her tiptoes, kissing him on the forehead.

"No more nightmares."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry this is a short one, folks. Not much plot yet but a couple of fluffy moments until I figure out how it's all going to come together. Enjoy : )

CHAPTER FIVE

Later that night Tonks was called in to the Auror department in order to deal with the looming crisis in Hogsmeade. Remus was once again left to sit and brood.

Ensconced in the library on the second floor, hoping to God he could get lost in a book but presently failing, Remus watched the snow race past the window and swirl into the park across the street. Though the evening was dark, the glaring white that blanketed the outside contrasted the bright colors of Nymphadora's hair. He wondered how it would look against the snow.

He hoped she was all right. Remus found himself concerned that she would be out in the snow this late, doing potentially dangerous things. After all, captivating women shouldn't just be ordered around in the cold and damp. He sighed. It was not only Auror work, but the Order's work she was doing, along with Kingsley. Though no details had been mentioned as to their mission when summoned to work, Remus assumed that ministry law enforcement was taking some kind of action tonight. Dumbledore had advised both Tonks and Kingsley to keep a look out—get any information they could glean if the aurors were indeed planning to seek out the kidnapped children.

A window rattled loudly, startling Remus out of his musings. He sank back into his chair, turning his face to the warm glow of the fire in the grate and wondering when Nymphadora would come back. He watched the snow, the fire easing the warmth back into his joints as his eyes grew heavy. He was thinking about her kiss when the book fell from his hands and he drifted to sleep.

Remus was rudely awoken by shouts and the sound of a door slamming from downstairs. He hurriedly rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took the stairs two at a time, arriving in the basement kitchen only to see Kingsley carrying a soaking wet and bloodied, but still conscious and protesting Tonks—Sirius was already speaking to Dumbledore through the floo.

"What happened?" Remus breathed, his face losing some of its color as Kingsley set Tonks gently in a chair before bending down to look at a gash in her shoulder. He muttered a spell and the wound began to close, then siphoned off some of the blood. More red stained her clothes, and her hair had returned to a plain mousy brown. Remus quickly strode over and looked down into her face, putting a hand on her arm. _Get me out of here._ Her eyes told him everything he needed to know.

Remus took the hint. "Shouldn't we get her upstairs—in a bed, or something warm?" he asked Kingsley, his eyes wide. The Auror nodded, extending a hand to Tonks, who took it.

As Kingsley began to help her toward the stairs, she snapped at him angrily, "I can walk by myself, thank you." She made it four slow steps before she collapsed.

"Shit." Sirius muttered, and caught his cousin before she hit the floor. Kingsley helped him to lay her gently down. "Shit, shit, shit. Poppy is going to kill you, Kingsley."

"I'm well aware of that." The big man muttered as he put two fingers to Tonks' wrist. Remus cupped her cheek, then started at the temperature of her skin.

"Christ, she's _freezing_!" He exclaimed, then looked around, his face tempestuous. "Didn't anyone think to get blankets, or water, or any manner of things to prevent her from catching cold? It's a snowstorm outside and she's nearly soaked through, you dolts!" Sirius and Kingsley looked at each other guiltily, then gently lifted Tonks upstairs to a bed. Remus built a fire and found extra blankets. Kingsley left to make his report to the ministry, and Sirius waited in the basement kitchen for Poppy and Dumbledore. Remus sat next to Tonk's bed, worrisome.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Poppy had come and gone, giving her patient a clean bill of health but with the slight possibility of developing a cold. Otherwise healthy, Tonks still had not woken; neither had her hair changed from its mousy brown. Remus sat, watching her wan face in the firelight. He reached out a long finger to gently stroke her cheek, tracing her features. He had never noticed how long her eyelashes were, or how her nose went up just a bit at the end, giving her a pert look that clashed somewhat with her usual magenta spikes. Now her hair lay against the pillow, a light brown that Remus found a bit plain, but he loved her all the more for that small sign of weakness. Seeing her in such a natural state merely heightened his affection.

The flickering light cast a shadow on her features and to his surprise she stirred, her eyes fluttering, briefly unfocused, to rest on his face until a drowsy smile appeared. Remus smiled back, still brushing her cheek with his fingertips.

"Hello." Remus spoke softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, actually. It was nice of you to stay with me." She raised a hand to her cheek, putting a stop to Remus' gentle strokes, and intertwined his fingers with hers.

"I wanted to be here when you woke."

Tonks smiled at him. "I got barely got nicked with a cutting spell and everyone had to go and make a fuss." She rolled her eyes and changed to a more comfortable position so that she propped herself up on her side. Noticing Remus watching her anxiously, she asked, "Did I worry you?" There was that crease between her brows again.

He let out a puff of air. "Yes…" He sighed and smiled, shaking his head. "You gave me quite a scare, falling over like that."

Tonks looked at him, pretending to be affronted. "It's just a flesh-wound!" she declared, raising her brows. His smile widened and he gently squeezed her hand.

"As long as you are sure you're all right." He said. Tonks' gaze softened.

"Right as rain, really." She squeezed back.

Remus sighed, looking down at the bedspread and running a hand through his hair. "Good."

He looked back up into her face. There were a few long moments of silence in which they stared at each other, their eyes searching. It was a touch warm in the room, and their faces were so close together…Nymphadora's features flickered once again in the light of the fire. Remus found himself staring at her with a strange curiosity, mesmerized by the way her eyes managed to catch it's scant glow. "Nymphadora, I…" He licked lips that were suddenly dry.

"Yes?"

It was nearly a whisper. Remus leaned forward and tentatively pressed his lips to hers. Tonks responded, putting a gentle hand on the back of his neck, kissing him back slowly, but deeply. It felt so good, this newfound affection. To not hold anything back.

Their kisses had turned passionate, ragged breaths drawn as she wound her fingers in his hair, kissing slowly up his neck and along his jaw only to draw his lips to hers again, teasing at first but then with an urgent near-ferocity that made him groan. It had been so long since he had been loved like this…

A/N *cowers in remorse due to the length of time between updates but then grabs each of her reviewers and hugs them affectionately*

Hmmm... got some lovin' going on. We'll see what happens in the next chapter : ) Reviews? Pretty please?


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Remus lay on the bed, Tonks quietly spooned next to him, asleep. Their lovemaking had left him drowsy, but dark thoughts kept him awake. He considered the room. The ceiling was white, the walls a wood-paneled dark mahogany. The flickering light of the fire cast odd shadows, turning the panels into an encircling black abyss, making shapes that swooped and darted, watching.

"_Get up!" _

_Why are they doing this to me why don't they have anything better to do? Those damn bastards I hate them. I hate everything they stand for. I hate that they kill and pillage and take things and rape. I don't want to get up. _

_He kicked me. _

_I stood up. _

_Now he has the knife and hes holding my wrist and I hate him. I HATE HIM. So I take the knife and make it with his blood this time, kicking him this time, _

_No more taking. No more _

_And now it's his blood and I'm standing and I'm kicking him the ground is red they are going to be angry at me but I don't care and he's dead and there's no more killing and the children will be all right and I' m not a prisoner so I have to run and run and run and run and run… _

"Remus!"

Remus woke suddenly, sitting bolt upright and looking wildly around, unaware of the tears on his cheeks. Tonks was looking at him concernedly from her side of the bed. He tried to compose his face, working on breathing steadily.

"Nymphadora," he said urgently, "How did I come to be in this house?"

"You—you just showed up at headquarters one day. We were all amazed. Afterward everyone was afraid to ask you— we assumed that you weren't ready to talk about what happened—"

"The Order did not retrieve me?" Remus' face was desperate.

"No. We would have gone in a second, but no one had any idea where they had taken you— Remus, what's wrong?" She put a hand to his pale cheek, looking him in the eye.

"I believe I remember how I got away." Remus' eyes were drawn to the flame in the grate.

It had not been a dream.

A/N Thought I would leave you all with a little cliffie to spice things up! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, they brighten my day! If you feel so inclined, I encourage you to leave another and tell me how you think I'm doing.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

For many years, Remus had lived in paralyzing fear of biting someone when he transformed, a predator loose upon the world to spread his disease to another. The only exception was when he was at Hogwarts, and the Wolfsbane had kept him sane. He had scarcely managed with lycanthopy for the majority of his life, not to kill another in his animal state, but as a human, and now had to live with the knowledge of what he had done.

At the moment he was refusing to speak to anyone. He had told Dumbledore his story, purely for security reasons. The Order would be in more danger now they knew that Remus had killed one of Greyback's own pack. It was immature, he knew, to hole up in his room like this. But the extent of his guilt was such that he felt it a fitting punishment, to shun himself from company and comforting presence, to deny himself the usual pleasures of human existence, simply because he no longer felt human anymore. In the three days since his dream (was it fitting to call it a dream?) he had eaten little, slept none, and denied any visitors except for his interview with Dumbledore. The old man had urged him not to blame himself, but he remained resolute: he was a monster.

A soft knock at the door startled Remus out of his reverie. "Moony?" Sirius' voice was tentative. "We need to talk."

"Come in."

Sirius sauntered in, shutting the door behind him, grabbing a chair by the desk, and straddling it so that he was facing his friend. "I thought you wouldn't let anyone see you," he said.

"I'm not, but I thought it would be more prudent to let you in than have you break down my door."

"You're wit is sharp as ever, my friend. It's a pity I haven't heard more of it, lately, what with you and Tonks over the moon about eachother."

Remus' heart beat faster at the mention of her name. They had not spoken since he had explained his dream. He had told her what he had done, and at the end of his tale looked sadly into her face, said a broken "I'm sorry," and left the room. He felt pathetic.

Remus said nothing in response to Sirius' comment and continued to gaze at the ceiling in silence.

"Talk to Tonks and me." Sirius said quietly. "Everyone is worried about you. Tonks has come here every day after work to ask how you are, and for the last three days her hair has been anything but purple." She wasn't metamorphasing? She was worried about him? Remus felt guilt expand in the pit of his stomach.

"She's downstairs, and I'm bringing her up here and we're all going to have a talk. _Is that understood?_"

"Yes," Remus sighed. He continued to gaze at his patch of ceiling as Sirius left the room. Remus knew it was no use to argue with him—when Sirius was adamant about something, it was usually better to do things his way.

His friend returned with Tonks in tow, her lips set in a hard line. Was she angry with him? Remus sat up with a sigh, cross-legged on the bed. She had every right to be.

Remus watched in resignation as Sirius closed the door and took his seat again. The cousins stared at him for a few long moments, but Remus said nothing, his face hard and expressionless. Sirius sighed.

"Moony, everyone is worried about you and we need some answers."

"What kind of answers do you want, Sirius?" Remus looked resignedly up from his lap.

"The kind that tell us why you're being such a self-absorbed prat."

Tonks' voice cracked as she said it, her eyes full of tears, glaring furiously at a dumbstruck and nearly as angry Remus. As suddenly as it had come, the anger left his eyes and he looked despairingly at the ground.

"I'm worse than a prat, Tonks."

"You're damn right you are," Tonks said angrily, "Refusing to see people who love you and care about you? Worrying the entire Order? Holing yourself up in this hovel so you can feel sorry for yourself because you acted in self defense? Yes, _self defense, _Remus!" Her voice had risen to a shout. "This is absolutely ridiculous, even Dumbledore says so, and you're so damn stubborn—"

"_I'm a monster!" _Remus shouted back at her, "A murderer! A killer! I took someone else's life, does that mean anything to you—"

"Anything to me? I'm an Auror, Remus Lupin, and you think I've never killed anyone? Of course I have! This is a war! You can't win it by injuries or hostages, sometimes it has to come down to the numbers on the death list! I know it's gruesome, but it's fact." Tonks had calmed down a tad now, and was looking steadily at Remus. "You killed that man because you were half-mad from what had happened to you, and because you saw a chance to escape." She said more softly, "If you hadn't done it, you might not be here now. Greyback would have had you killed just like he had his other hostages."

Remus no longer noticed or cared about the tears running down his cheeks, only about the woman standing in front of him. Remus was forced to think a moment about what she had said. It didn't make it right, knowing the man he killed was evil and had killed others, but at least there was a sense of justice. He could no longer do bad to anyone else.

Tonks strode forward, crouching until she was looking into his face. "Everyone who knows you knows that you are an honorable, kind, and honest man." She wiped some of the tears away from his cheek. "This is a war, yes, and I know you have a hard time with it, but you must keep on living. For your friends, for the people to love you."

"Come back to the real world, Moony." Sirius said, "Tonks has been knocking things over and has to pick them up by herself because _I'm_ not chivalrous enough. Not to mention Molly has made about eight chocolate desserts to make you feel better and you refused all of them."

"It was three, and we ate all but the cake," Tonks reminded him.

"Well," said Sirius loftily, "I'll go get it then, shall I?" He clapped Remus on the shoulder and left the room.

Remus sat, momentarily lost for words as Tonks silently wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks. He pulled her to him, embracing her, relishing her scent and the feel of her hair against his cheek. She put her arms around him, rubbing his back softly.

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

They pulled apart and Tonks gently led him by hand to the door, "There's chocolate cake…" She grinned.

Remus could only smile softly and let himself be led downstairs.

A/N Thanks to my faithful readers who have infinite patience despite my horrible updating habits. Next chapter: Epilogue? Please read and review!


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Remus sat in Grimmauld Place's extensive library, once again in an attempt to focus on a book. However much he tried, his mind kept wandering to a particular person and he could not help but smile as he muttered reverently, "Nymphadora."

"Yes darling?" She drawled, walking in the doorway and flopping down in the armchair next to his so that their knees were touching.

Remus smiled jauntily as her mischevious grin. "I was only wondering at your presence in my life, dearest; you are a rose in a bed of thorns, a diamond in the rough. Your eyes shine like moonbeams in—"

"Oh, sod it, old man," She shoved him gently. "You've been at the firewhiskey."

He pretended to look affronted. "Me?" he exclaimed, putting a hand to his chest. "I would never be so un-proper as to drink in the presence of a lady." Tonks raised her eyebrows. "I really was thinking about you when you came in," he admitted, if only a little bashfully.

Tonks smiled. "And I really did come in here for a reason."

"And what reason would that be, other than to enjoy my lively charm and wit?"

Tonks leaned back in her chair despite the joke. "A serious one." Remus frowned.

His and Tonk's relationship was still in it's relative beginnings, and so far his time with her had been a delight. Though each had pledged to support the other, the time had not yet come for Remus to tell her what had happened in Greyback's camp; neither of them had opened up to the other, preferring, at least this time around, to stay in the realm of the playful and flirtatious. Remus knew he had already botched it once, after the dream. This was his chance to start things again, and this time he was going to do it right. The look on her face had him worried. Was everything all right? Had he done something wrong?

"What is it?" he asked, drawing closer, his elbows on his knees so he could properly see her face.

She drew a long breath. "Do you remember the children that Greyback had kidnapped? Kinglsey and I went out looking for them with our team a couple of weeks ago." Remus nodded, remembering that night, and her injury, with vivid clarity.

"When we went looking for their camp—well—we essentially found it—there were death eaters and renegades guarding the place- that's how I was injured, in the attack." Tonks rubbed her shoulder unconsciously and took another deep breath before continuing.

"Last night we went on another raid, with more Aurors. We overtook the death eaters, and imprisoned most of the wolves. We found the children." At this her eyes filled with tears. "The second-in-command was killed, but Greyback was captured. He is awaiting trial in a secure cell in the Ministry. You would have found out at the Order meeting tonight, but I wanted you to hear it from me first." Shimmering eyes avoided his gaze.

Remus stared at her, unsure of how to react. Greyback… in prison? Behind bars? He wanted to jump up and shout, embrace Nymphadora, but at the same time he felt ill. He realized he could never get away fro Greyback, prison or no—the memories would always be there. Remus was beginning to feel sick. He had to leave, go outside, get some fresh air. He could dimly hear Nymphadora speaking about court rulings and prosecution, and he nodded his head, only half-understanding her words. He needed to leave. Remus stood up suddenly.

"I have to go outside."

Nymphadora looked at him with concern. "Are you all right?" she asked, "Because you're really beginning to—" Remus didn't near the rest because of the ringing that had begun in his ears; he was underwater, moving slowly to the door, but—was it a door? There were so many spots, and suddenly he was on the bottom of the ocean, and everything was dark.

Remus woke up in his bed with a pounding headache, everything coming back in a rush. He groaned inwardly. Just when everything was going well, he had to go and embarrass himself. He had thought he was getting better; there had been less nightmares. He had even gone on a date with her! Now it seemed like he was right back where he had started.

Remus sighed and opened his eyes, guessing by the gentle brush of fingers against his cheek that he wasn't alone. Sure enough, Nymphadora sat in a chair beside his bed, looking quite concerned. Remus' mouth twisted in a wry smile as he thought, _this is never going to be a normal relationship_.

"Wotcher, Remus."

"Hello," He smiled softly. "What time is it?"

"Nearly eleven. You missed the Order meeting."

Remus closed his eyes momentarily, mentally kicking himself. In a snort that was half a laugh, he muttered, "I thought I had more fortitude than this,"

Tonks smiled crookedly. "Yes, you're a disgrace to the principle of British stoicism," She smoothed his hair gently. "It really is all right for you to feel… overwhelmed, Remus. God knows how Greyback has changed your life for the worse, and hopefully now some justice will be done, and you'll be a little more free, I hope?"

Remus looked at her, wondering not for the first time why in the world this woman was so wonderfully kind to him. "I hope so too." He said solemnly, and then with more of a smile, "You've certainly helped create the feeling."

Tonks grinned, kissing him swiftly on the cheek and helping him to sit on the edge of the bed. "And I am very glad to have done so. Now, would a cup of tea by the fire and some food help with that headache? Don't say no, the answer is yes."

Remus allowed himself to be led downstairs, relishing the warm pressure of her hand in his.


End file.
